Unloveable

I ask one thing. . When I say something don't just try to excuse it away and make me feel better.

When I say I feel unloveable don't write me off as being dramatic or looking for you to say something or just wanting attention.

When I say I feel unloveable don't pretend you know what I really mean.

When I say I feel unloveable don't try to fix me.

When I say I feel unloveable believe me, because it's real.

When I say I feel unloveable be curious as to why. . Don't just tell me it will be ok.

When I say I feel unloveable. . I meant it.

When I say I feel unloveable don't judge me. . You don't know my past.

When I say I feel unloveable trust me. .

Because I do.

WhatMakesUsWorthIt?

"I get that you have to pick && choose your battles; I just wish, every once in a while, that I could be one you choose. ." - Me

This is about a lot of things. my family, my friends, my parents, my brother. . who knows. . the list goes one. . As dramatic as this sounds. . I am tired of always feeling invisible. I want to be someone worth standing up for. Any time my brother comes at me with his words or with his fists, I want, more than anything, to be stood up for. To have someone step in front of him. . not to pull me back after the fact, or to break us up. . but to stop him before he starts. Sure I can stand up for myself. Thats not the issue. What I want is to be worth it. I hear all the excuses, but my favorite is, "We have to pick && choose our battles with him." I can understand that. But what does that make me? Obviously, not a battle worth fighting for.

People always leave, that does not mean they have to walk out of your life. It just means there has to actually be an effect of both ends to continue the relationship. . But in my experience, that does not happen. Once someone leaves, they are gone. Apparently I am not a friend worth fighting for. 

Here is a song that really really fits how I am feeling. . in general.

ASongSaysALotMore

Most of the time I hate writing with a passion that burns on fire. Every once in a while words just come to me && it really does help to write them down && get them out. . BUT since college, I hate writing more then I ever have before. It is probably one of the worst things in this entire world. . not gonna lie.

Soooo, since most of the time I would rather shoot myself in the face instead of write. . && because I love music so much. . I have a feeling there will be more songs/videos being posted then my actual words. Sometimes a song can say more then my words would any way. I feel the music. Its real. It says what I can't. It says more than I can.

so here we go. . .